20. Easter Standard Time

 BACKGROUND:

Back in 1998, ApologetiX wanted to create an album that covered the Pasion Week of Jesus Christ, from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday. Unfortunately, at the time, they did not have parodies to cover Holy Week, so they simply settled for an album covering the life of Jesus Christ, from birth to resurrection (and then some). This album would become known by the name Jesus Christ Morningstar. 17 years later, the band finally had enough spoofs to cover Passion Week, so the time came to make that album. That album is Easter Standard Time. Easter Standard Time was originally meant to be a compilation album, like ApologetiX Classics: Christmas or Handheld Messiah, but as ApologetiX compiled the tracks to put on this album, they decided some need re-recording, so they re-recorded them. After compiling the old songs with the re-recorded songs, ApologetiX still didn't feel like they had enough, so J. dusted off his journal and went and found parodies he had written but the band had never recorded. Once all those were recorded, they had enough for an album.

TITLE:

Easter Standard Time is another good of example of ApologetiX using double entendre and wordplay in its album titles. The Eastern Time Zone is the time zone fifth west of the Prime Meridian, which covers the east coast of the United States and then some. Eastern Standard Time is the time for that time zone when daylight savings time is not in effect. To paraphrase the words of lyricist and lead singer J. Jackson, Eastern Standard Time tells the people of that time zone when the sun will rise on a particular day. Easter Standard Time tells people when the Son rose on a spectacular day. The Easter in Easter Standard Time reminds the audience that all these parodies culminate and climax with the verst first Easter. In the album's description, J. quite a few times uses the word standard to give it more meaning, but it's not really necessary. The wordplay and the double entendre coveys the contents of the album. (And I love how the cover art is reminiscient of those old KJV Bibles!)

CRITIQUE:

Part of the negative criticisms I had for the past 3 "singles CDs" was the fact that they only came with 12-13 tracks, which made the fan feel like he or she was not getting his or her money worth, when older albums went for the same price with 18-22 tracks. When J. announced this project on the ApologetiX newsletter, I admit my heart sank a bit out of worry. I feared that this revisiting of the Jesus Christ Morningstar idea would only have 11-13 tracks. It wouldn't like a Jesus Christ Morningstar sequel if it just had 11-13 tracks because Jesus Christ Morningstar had 18 tracks. Fear not, Easter Standard Time has 17 tracks on it. So no worries, right? Well, let's take a close look at the setlist for Easter Standard Time.

"Cemetery Came Alive" (parody of "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind) appeared on Hot Potato Soup. Hot Potato Soup came out in March 2013, and Easter Standard Time came out in March 2015. I'm guessing ApologetiX did not have Easter Standard Time in mind back in 2013, for if they did, they probably would have held off releasing "Cemetery Came Alive" until Easter Standard Time. Since this song is only 2 years old, it's too young to call it an ApologetiX classic. This song is too new, and hearing them again on Easter Standard Time makes the fan think, "But I already got this song on Hot Potato Soup..." If we don't count this song, there is 16 tracks.

"Hosanna" (parody of "Rosanna" by Toto) and "Too Much Grime on My Hands" (parody of "Too Much Time on My Hands" by Styx) both appear on Wise Up and Rock. Wise Up and Rock came out in November 2011, and Easter Standard Time came out in March 2015. I can't help but think the same thought I did about ApologetiX taking "Ceremtery Came Alive" from Hot Potato Soup and putting it on Easter Standard Time. I'm guessing ApologetiX did not have Easter Standard Time in mind back in 2011, for if they did, they should have held off on these 2 parodies until it came time to release Easter Standard Time. These 2 spoofs are newer songs to the ApologetiX library, so no one can name them an ApologetiX  classic. To make matters worse, "Too Much Grime on My Hands" also occurs on 20:20 Vision as a live track, so this is the 3rd copy of the song in a span of 4 1/2 years. J. says in his journal that "Too Much Time on My Hands" was popular in concert, but I don't think popular in concert warrants 3 releases in 4 1/2 years. Again, just like with "Cemetary Came Alive," both songs are too new, and seeing them again on Easter Standard Time makes the fan think "But I already have these songs on Wise Up and Rock..." If we don't count these 2 songs, there is 14 tracks.

"I'll Prepare for You" (parody of "I'll Be There for You" by The Rembrandts), "I Have to Die First" (parody of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor), "Didn't Just Died" (parody of "Live and Let Die" by Paul McCartney & the Wings and Guns N Roses), "Died and Rose" (parody of "China Grove" by The Doobie Brothers) and "You May Be Bright" (parody of "You May Be Right" by Billy Joel) all appear on Jesus Christ Morningstar. As a bonus, "Last Night" (parody of "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam) happens to be on Spoofernatural. Now to be fair, at this time, these albums were no longer available on CD, only as a download, so Easter Standard Time provides the optimal opportunity to get these songs on CD. Also to be fair, these are all re-recorded, so technically, the fan buys a new song with all these. Now listen, though, I get re-recording the songs from the cassettes and the Rare Not Well Done rarities. I might even understand re-recording songs from Isn't Wait Ain't and Radical History Tour. I  don't comprehend why songs from Jesus Christ Morningstar and Spoofernatural need re-recordings. Sure, Jesus Christ Morningstar and Spoofernatural may not have the exact same quality as the most recent albums, but these CDs are not bad. They are not even just fine or just OK. They are quite good. I hate to say it, but while J. insists on his journal that it's just a quality issue, I think there are deeper reasons. Notice that all these re-recorded parodies have Karl on lead guitar. Also notice that all the songs recorded post-Karl are simply imported from their previous album. Don't quote me on this, but I believe that, according to copyright and trademark law, if ApologetiX put a song with Karl's guitar playing on Easter Standard Time, they would have to pay Karl royalties for each copy of Easter Standard Time sold. The band already has to split their income and profits 7 ways; they probably didn't want to split it 8 ways. If my theory is correct, then, in a way, I kind of sort of don't blame ApologetiX for re-recording those songs. They are still financially struggling, and they can't afford to split the income and profits any thinner (although I bit of me just wants to yell, "Just pay Karl for his 15 years and 1,000 live concerts!"). If my theory is more of a conspiracy theory, then re-recording these songs were useless and worthless. They sound no better or worse than the original recording. Either way, it's still another copy of a song the long-time fan already has, so now that fan has 2 copies. And then there was 8 tracks.

"Huge Slumber Party" (parody of "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon) appears on both Soundproof and 20:20 Vision. Here's the kicker: they use Soundproof version, not the 20:20 Vision version! Why?! How?! The original "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon is played with a full band of electric instruments. Therefore, the 20:20 Vision version matches the original artist's original intent better than Soundproof, which uses acoustic instruments for the most part. This choice just baffles me! Again, just guessing here, but my best guess is that they chose the Soundproof version over the 20:20 Vision version because the 20:20 Vision version has the least amount of post-production work (remember, ApologetiX wanted the raw concert feel for that album) and Soundproof has the most post-production work. More befuddling, why didn't ApologetiX used Easter Standard Time as an excuse to produce a studio recording of "Huge Slumber Party"?! It is the perfect excuse to do the song a third time. It never had a studio recording, and now there's an album in the works with the theme of Passion Week, and "Huge Slumber Party" fits perfectly on it. Nope, here's the Soundproof version instead. See, this just double downs my theory on not wanting to pay Karl. Why would you go through all the trouble to re-record 6 tracks that have studio recordings, but not re-record a studio recording of the 1 song which has 2 live recordings?! This is just so bothersome. If ApologetiX would have put a studio recording of "Huge Slumber Party" on Easter Standard Time, it probably would have been my favorite song of the album. Instead, because of the missed opportunity, "Huge Slumber Party" is possibly my least favorite song on the album. And there was 7 tracks.

Yes, that leaves 7 tracks. If you are a long-time fan, who already owns all the previous albums the ApologetiX released, you probably bought this 17-track album for 7 songs. The other 10 songs are repeats of songs you already have in your library. Somebody might want to argue, "But there's 6 re-recordings!" The re-recordings sound no different, for better or for worse, than the originals. Someone might want to argue "Yeah, but these old songs go together better than on their original." Wise Up and Rock had the common theme of 80s rock music, so "Hosanna" and "Too Much Grime on My Hands" definitely fits on there. Not to spoil my review of Hot Potato Soup, but Hot Potato Soup reflects the old albums of the ApologetiX catering to both older and young audience with both classic rock and modern rock, so "Cemetaries Came Alive" fits on Hot Potato Soup. "I'll Prepare for You," "I Have to Die First,"  "Didn't Just Die," "Died and Rose" and "You May Be Bright" (parody of "You May Be Right" by Billy Joel) were already on an album about the life of Jesus Christ, so no change happens from Jesus Christ Morningstar to Easter Standard Time. Ditto what I said about "Cemetery Came Alive" on Hot Potato Soup for "Last Night" on Spoofernatural. The only song may be true for is "Huge Slumber Party," which makes it even more tragic it did not get a studio recording! Again, the fan is paying just to get 7 songs off this 17-track album. Oh, it gets worse, though. If you spent money buying the 7 brand new songs as singles, you just wasted money. "Emmaus" (parody of "Shambala" by Three Dog Night) was never released as a single. The only way to get it is by purchasing this CD. Imagine, if you will, spending money to get the songs early as singles, to find out you need purchase them all again to get a CD with 1 song not included in the singles. If that was me, I would be irked! Good thing I waited to purchase the CD. Now I imagine if you made a donation to ApologetiX, with the message "I just want the MP3 download of "Emmaus," I bet they would gladly oblige. Still, my point remains. Just like I said with those "single compilation" CDs, I understand the band releasing singles as a bonus for pre-ordering the album, but I don't get releasing an album of songs from prior albums plus songs previously released as singles. If anything, ApologetiX should have inversed it: make "Emmaus" the bonus single for pre-ordering Easter Standard Time, an album full of brand new parodies.

As always, let me blitz through the brand new parodies in a lightning round, which will naturally transits into my favorite spoof of the album. While "One of These Guys" (parody of "One of These Nights" by the Eagles) accurately captures the pericope of the betrayal of the Christ, I was never a fan of "One of These Nights" by the Eagles, so I naturally won't care for this spoof. For "Although None Could Watch an Hour" (parody of "All Along the Watchtower" by Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix), I would have preferred the original Bob Dylan version over the Jimi Hendrix cover, but I understand why the ApologetiX chose the Jim Hendrix cover, for it better captures the rock nature of ApologetiX. I also feel like this is a missed opportunity. A lot of music theorists hypothesize Bob Dylan got the idea from Isaiah 21:5-9. It would have been interesting if J. Jackson could have made the lyrics more accurate to the message of Isaiah 21:5-9. "Too Wicked for Paradise" (parody of "Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money) retells the story of the two men on the cross next to Jesus. In his journal, J. reveals that he almost put "Man on the Cross" (parody of "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains) from Hot Potato Soup in place of "Two Wicked for Paradise," but he decided against it because the music didn't fit with the rest of the album. I'm glad he made such a decision, not because the music doesn't fit with the album, but for the same reasons I don't like "Cemetery Came Alive" on this album. "One Headline" (parody of "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers) is another retelling of the resurrection account. It's kind of neat how they combine resurrection accounts from 2 different Gospels (Luke and John) and 1 Corinthians 15, but then again, it's just a different point of view of the resurrection. Speaking of a different point of view for the resurrection, "Emmaus" (parody of "Shambala" by Three Dog Night) tells of the resurrection from the two men on the road to Emmaus. Fun fact: according to J.'s journal, this song almost became a track of Jesus Christ Mornigstar! Good thing it did not, for I would have given it the same criticism as the other songs coming from Jesus Christ Morningstar! This one gets a pass because this is the first parody telling the resurrection from the two men's point of view. "Scars" (parody of "The Cars" by Gary Numan) does a good job connecting Christ's wounds from the crucifixion to what Isaiah prophesied in Isaiah 53, and the mixing did a good job of reproducing the robotic sound Gary Numan made for J.'s voice, but this song is known more for its instrumentals than lyrics, which brings into question the whole reason for parody. That just leaves...

FAVORITE SONG: Magdalena (parody of "Macarena" by Los Del Rio and Bayside Boys)

Just like with the live albums and the compilation albums, this choice feels like a process of elimination. I disqualified any song from a previous album, whether imported from that album or re-recorded, which left me 7 songs from which to choose. Maybe it's the 90s kid experiencing 90s nostalgia here, but I love this song. The back-and-forth of J. Jackson and Janna Jackson just works so well together. Janna sings from the point of view of Mary Magdalena, who first witnessed the risen Jesus. J. represents the doubt from Mary Magdelena's male friends. That works so well because, in the first century AD, a women's testimony did not count as valid. Of course, this is definitely a huge redemption on the song, as the original song talks about a woman cheating on her husband with 2 boyfriends when the husband is deployed by the military! And yes, despite the change of lyrics, I can't help but want to dance to it :)

FINAL VERDICT: 20th.

With all my complaints about this album, one would think it would end up lower. Thank my disdain for acoustic albums, live albums and compilation albums that it's not lower. As a matter of fact, on early rough drafts, I had this album at 23rd, lower than the 3 singles volumes! I bumped it up to 20th because this album does so many things right that those singles CDs do wrong. While those singles albums have only 11-13 songs on it, Easter Standard Time has 17 tracks on it. While annoying to old fans that a majority of the songs already appear on prior albums, it gives new fans the opportunity to access these older songs on CD, due to the fact the older CDs are no longer in stock. The singles CDs seems like the singles are all just randomly thrown onto the CD. Easter Standard Time has the theme of Holy Week. Indeed, all the songs walk the listener through the journey of Passion Week, from Palm Sunday to Maundy Thursday to Good Friday to Easter Sunday. It's also key that Easter Standard Time can stay within bounds of the perimeter set up for itself. Jesus Christ Morningstar had to go a bit beyond the life of Christ into Acts and some theology songs. Easter Standard Time stops right on Easter Sunday. It has no Acts songs, and the only theology song is "You May Be Bright," but considering that deals with doubters of the resurrection, it kind of works, for there were doubters of the resurrection back then as there are today. Easter Standard Time covers more musical genres, including alternative rock, soft rock, new wave and pop, which is good, for it will reach out to a wider audience. While I am dismayed at the 10 repeats, the 7 brand new songs are spot on and top notch. For all these reasons, Easter Standard Time deserves the bump up from 23rd to 20th. Still, due to the 10 older songs making the repeat appearance (especially regarding the very recent songs), the re-recorders ending up as a waste of time, money and resources, the lack of a master studio recording of "Huge Slumber Party," the fact this is the only way to get "Emmaus" and choosing the Jimi Hendrix instrumental of "Although None Could Watch an Hour" over Bob Dylan's instrumental, this album could never make it to the top half of the rankings. What would I have done differently? All 17 songs are brand new spoofs. The only one exception would be "Huge Slumber Party" because this would be its studio recording debut. If the ApologetiX really just wanted this to be a compilation album, they should have released the brand new songs on a brand new album, then created ApologetiX Classics: Easter, just like they did for Handheld Messiah and ApologetiX Classics: Christmas.

20. Easter Standard Time
21. Singles Group
22. Loaded 45's
23. Unconditional Releases
24. New and Used Hits
25. The Boys Aren't Backing Down
26. Chosen Ones
27. 20:20 Vision
28. Hits: The Road
29. Soundproof
30. Apol-acoustiX