You know you go to a conservative Bible College when...

Since I received some positive feedback from my last post (and when I say "positive feedback, I mean I got likes on Facebook), and since I will be graduating from Evangelical Seminary on Friday and my 6 year anniversary of graduating from Lancaster Bible College will happen on Saturday, I thought I would post this. This was a list I progressively created as I went through my 4 years of undergrad at Lancaster Bible College. As I shared my list in a Facebook group, I learned a lot of students from other Bible colleges could easily relate. Some even posted their own in the Facebook group. Although I wasn't on Evangelical Seminary campus a whole lot (the downfall of commuting from an hour and a half away), I could image some of these might be true for seminaries as well. So without further ado-

You know you go to a conservative Bible College when...

...Bible verses are used to defend everything from not using your cell phone in the library to proper use of washers and dryers in the laundry room.
...putting your hand on the back of your boyfriend/girlfriend is not ok, but putting your hand on the back of the chair he/she is sitting on is ok. ('cause that piece of wood/plastic makes all the difference)
...the student handbook goes into great detail about what forms of public displays of affection are allowed and not allowed, all the way down to linking arms
...you hear other Christian colleges are going "liberal" because they are allowed to watch R rated movies, play M rated videogames, allow couples to kiss in public, and have no curfew.
...93% of the college is Republican, and if you're part of the 7% that isn't, your faith is in question.
...every chapel opens with contemporary praise and worship music, and hymns are only used once a month to please the traditional church students.
...the biggest debate on campus is Calvinism vs. Arminianism (and you know both sides).
...you know that the term "Bedside Baptist," "Pillow Presbyterian" and "Mattress Mennonite" refers to sleeping in on Sunday morning instead of going to church, which is required on the honor system.
...your Sunday afternoons consist of your friends getting together and criticizing the church, especially the pastor, you visited that morning for church.
...you have heard a speaker reference the Hebrew/Greek word and its definition once in a speech or sermon, and maybe you've used it once or twice yourself
...your "gen ed" course for your 4 years there consist of 1 English course, 1 Literature course, 1 Math course, and 1 Science course. That's it.
...students describe the dating scene on campus by replacing the word "BIBLE" with the word "BRIDAL" in the school name, making it "BRIDAL college"
...going on a walk to the nearest gas station convenience store with someone from the opposite gender is considered a legitimate date.
...you know the "4 year plan" means you're friends your freshman year, dating your sophomore year, engaged your junior year and married your senior year (with kids after graduation)
...the "Senior Panic" refers to the belief that if you graduate college single, you will be single for the rest of your life. Symptoms among men include going from dorm room to dorm room, asking woman out. Symptoms among women include random bursts of crying over not having a wedding or not having children.
...single people joke at graduation they should get a partial refund for still being single
...the sports teams for the college have required devotions, and not going is penalized with a fine
...you name your bed "The Word" so when people ask you if you're been doing your daily morning devotions, and you have just been sleeping in, you can honestly say, "I spend my morning chilling in the Word" and not feel about yourself.
...having holes in your pants is considered "immodest" dress
...you know where the local Buddhist temple, JW Kingdom Hall, and Muslim mosque are located, just because you had to go there for some apologetics or evangelism project.
...the Bible colleges chooses October 20 to wear pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, in order to prevent anyone from wearing purple for Gay and Lesbian Awareness Day
...people spend the last couple weeks of fall semester, reminding you to keep Christ in Christmas during the winter break

The 4 People You Meet in Bible College and Seminary

In a couple of days, I will graduate from Evangelical Seminary with my Masters in Divinity. My degree will be the product of a very process, a process, in all honesty, I can't exactly pinpoint to where it began. Did I begin when I began attending Evangelical Seminary in the fall of 2013? But I transferred to Evangelical Seminary in fall 2013, and I only did 3/5 of the work there. Did it begin when I began Lancaster Bible College's Graduate school in the summer of 2011, and I began in the Masters of Bible program? But some of those credits rolled over from my 4 years at Lancaster Bible College in undergrad. Then did it begin when I began attending Lancaster Bible College in fall 2007? Needless to say, it's easy to blur the lines. The blurriest of lines comes between spring and summer 2011. The week before undergrad graduation, I was already accepted into Lancaster Bible College's Graduate School, I had already chosen Master in Bible as my program, and I had even selected my first class, Apologetics. The week after undergrad graduation, I had already received my syllabus for Apologetics class, which instructed to me read all the textbooks and write reviews on them. I had no rest after graduation. Indeed, I have saturated myself in the world of Bible college and seminary for the past 10 years. In those 10 years, I've noticed a lot of commonalities among the people I've met in both Bible college and seminary. In fact, I propose that it doesn't mater what Bible college or seminary you go to, it doesn't matter if it's an undergrad student or a grad student, you will meet 4 people (or rather, 4 different types of people, or 4 personalities) in Bible college and seminary. I've also noticed that certain people, certain types of people, certain personalities tend to typically fall under the same year they are in the program. So let me explain to you the 4 people you meet in Bible college and seminary. Each person(ality) will be broken down into two parts: the "expectation," meaning what you expect the person to be like (in which I will use a narrative description), and the "reality," meaning the reality check that person has to come to in order to move on to the next level (in which I will put in quotes the thoughts the person has to deal with before moving on).

THE FRESHMAN - THE SPIRITUALIST

Expectation: The spiritualist goes in Bible college or seminary, expecting it to be youth group for young adults. The spiritualist expects to walk into a classroom where the chairs are all in a circle facing each other, and maybe desks or tables in the circle, as long they don't interfere with the communication between the community of believers there. The spiritualist expects the teacher to walk in with a Bible passage in mind for the day's topic of discussion. The professor will read the Bible verse aloud, and the students will go around the circle, sharing how the passage makes them feel. The spiritualist excepts the class to end with the professor pulling out his acoustic guitar to lead the class in a feel-good contemporary praise and worship song, or the like, such as kumbaya.

Reality: "Ok, I guess it's cool to we are reading the whole book of the Bible, but do I seriously need to know how all the verses and chapters work together?...What do you mean that I have to know who the human author was and what he was like? God is the author!...What do you mean I have to know the original intended audience, I need to know the culture they lived in? I thought It was the original, intended audience!...Why do I need to know when it took place in history? Biblical truths are timeless!...Why do I need to know how the early church fathers interpreted the passage? That's so old fashion!...Why do I need to know what modern-day scholarship revealed about the passage? I thought the Holy Spirit was enough!...Man, this is going to take a lot of work, more than I expected!"

THE SOPHOMORE - THE KNOW-IT-ALL

Expectation: The sophomore has put behind his foolish thoughts that Bible study is all about good feelings from the Holy Spirit, but he has swung the pendulum to the other extreme. The sophomore has become the Know-It-All. The Know-It-All does indeed feel like he knows it all. He's memorized tons of verses, even some whole chapters! If he doesn't have a whole book memorized, he can at least give you a pretty descriptive summary, not just of the text, but also the themes. The Know-It-All just doesn't know what's in the Bible, the Know-It-All knows what's behind the text with all that introductory material. He knows the about the human author and what he was like. He know about the original, intended audience, and he knows what it was like to live in their culture. He knows when the story happened in history, and how the history impacted the book of the Bible. He can outline any book and any chapter. He can even read it in its original language. The Know-It-All can tell you about how the church has interpreted the passage, from the early church, to the medieval church, to the Reformation church, to the modern-day church. The Know-It-All just doesn't know about the Bible, the Know-It-All knows all about systematic theology. The Know-It-All can defend any theology he believes in, knowing every time his theology appears in the Bible. Heck, the Know-It-All can defend his opponent's theology better than the opponent can defend his own theology. If anything, this is the guy you want on your team for Bible Quizzing or Bible trivia game night. But beware, don't dare say the wrong thing in Sunday School!

Reality: "What do you mean I have to filter what I choose to say? It's all important, therefore, they need to hear it all, even if it's an hour long sermon!...What do you mean I have to apply it? Knowing it is my application!...What do you mean I have to communicate to my congregation the importance and relevance of the passage, and all the facts that go with it? It should be obvious to them!...What do you mean that some people don't care about the background information or church history's interpretation? If they really loved God and His Word, they should care! If only they loved God's Word as much as me, then they would care. I will make them care!"

THE JUNIOR - THE CHURCH FIXER-UPPER

Expectation: The junior finally admits he or she is not in Bible college or seminary to pass a heavenly SAT consisting of matching, multiple choice, true-or-false and essays at the pearly gates. All those facts and all that knowledge must be applied. Unfortunately, the junior only knows how to apply it in one way, and that turns the junior into the Church Fixer-Upper. After a long and hard week of learning Bible and theology at Bible College/Seminary, the Church Fixer-Upper enjoys going to church on Sunday, but not in the way you think. From the second the Church Fixer-Upper place his first step in the church, the Church Fixer-Upper immediately knows what's wrong it. The criticisms do not end. The Sunday School teachers are inadequately prepared. The worship leader is leading worship incorrectly. The pastor is preaching incorrectly. The congregation is not reacting correctly. The ushers are not handing out the offering plate correctly. Heck, even the church's architecture is not built in a God-honoring way. The list goes on and on! Of course, the Church Fixer-Upper has all the answers. The rest of the church just needs to listen to the Church Fixer-Upper. The Church Fixer-Upper will become very vocal all aspects of church, quickly correct those who disagree with him or her on the spot. Frustration mount between the Church Fixer-Upper and the church...on both sides equally. Eventually, when the Church Fixer-Upper feels like he or she cannot do anything more, the Church Fixer-Upper moves on to the next church, to find what it's doing wrong and how to correct. Sometimes the guilty pleasure of the Church Fixer-Upper is to never stay at a single church, but to visit a new church every Sunday, just to come back every Sunday afternoon and join friends over lunch to share criticism of the church. Overall, this practice gives the Church Fixer-Upper a negative view of church, with only the optimistic hope that Jesus will return soon and restore the church to what it should be, which is exactly how the Church Fixer-Upper imagined it.

Reality: "What do you mean I can't barge in and tell them how to fix things? I'm the one who went to Bible college/seminary, not them! They don't know what they are talking about!...What do you mean they have gotten something right? How can they, without a Bible/theology degree?!...Why can't I do everything myself? Do I really have to let other people help?...Can the church really be fine on its own without my help?...I guess I'm still learning, and I can learn from them, too"

THE SENIOR - THE WELL-ROUNDED MINISTER

Expectations: The senior is all 3 parts of the freshman, sophomore and junior, equally diverse yet united together as one. The senior recognizes the Bible as a spiritual book, not just a book of facts, but he will not succumb to good feelings and laziness toward the Holy Spirit. He will take the time to learn everything about the Bible he can, and he will not stop with knowledge, but he will continue to apply it until that knowledge becomes wisdom. The senior also recognizes that the applying does not simply mean fixing what he believes is wrong in the church. Applying Scriptures affects the self. Through applying Scriptures to the self, the senior learns that best way to encourage the church to change the negative within it is to demonstrate in his own life the Scriptures lived out.  I chose the title "minister," for lack of a better word. Most people think of the word "minister" interchangeable with the term "pastor," but I mean it in the truest sense of the word. A minister is someone who serves in a ministry. It doesn't mater if that ministry is as a pastor, chaplain, missionary, teacher, worship leader or any other kind of missionary, the well-roundedness of the senior will make them the perfect person to serve in that ministry.

Reality: "I know the Bible is a spiritual book, so I must listen to how the Holy Spirit is moving in my heart when I read it. But I also know it's an intellectual book. I cannot succumb to spiritual laziness toward the Holy Spirit. I must learn it more, so I can love God more. Still, I can learn as much as I want, but I can only love God so much by merely learning it. I will love God even more if I can apply it, too. Applying it starts with fixing myself internally. Once I fix myself internally, I can start fixing and restoring my relationship around me. Those loved ones around will witness that change, and they will want to change in the same way, too. Then I can equip and encourage them to change. Still, I need to learn from them as much as they learn from me. Only then I can be a true minister."

Congratulations to all of those graduating from Bible college and seminary this year. That diploma recognizes you as the well-rounded minister.